LONG overdue update

Okay people, here we go. My very overdue update on my latest encounters with doctors, overall health, test results and future. My apologies for not keeping this blog more up to date. Before Christmas, I became the proud owner of a smart phone. How does this fact relate to the fact that I haven't updated my blog? Well, for those of you who may still have a "dumb" phone (you know, one that's just used to call people and talk... so archaic), I'll explain. Smart phones make computers look like the old school IBMs that have a huge box backing. You know, the ones that kids under, what, 10 or 15 wouldn't recognize as an actual computer if it hit them in the head? Once you have a smart phone, thinking of actually getting off your lazy ass and walking to a computer, opening it (that's talk for those who have a laptop vs. a desk top), logging in (which I now think is a waste of time for chumps) only to check a few junk emails and possibly post an update to your personal blog, seems like a task equivalent to climbing Mount Everest. ;) After realizing that there are many of you who still aren't up to speed on my latest, I crawled under my bed, dug out the dusty laptop and here I sit, ready to give you my "light at the end of the tunnel" news.

I'm not sure if this is possible, but at a glance, it looks like the last "medical update" I provided was end of November? Is that right? I could investigate further but that would mean taking more time to look through my blog and, well, I don't want to because I haven't ingested the appropriate amount of coffee yet this morning so I'm not functioning properly. If I start searching for the last real medical update, A.D.D. will kick in, I'll think of something different, and wonder off, never to be seen again. So bear with me if I'm adding anything you already know. This is going to be a Cliff's notes version (or as close as you can get to that as possible when trying to include details about cancerous tumors, breast lumps, scans, tests and arrogant doctors)...

In early December, Jake and I went to see Dr. Raizer, a neuro oncologist at Northwestern University in Chicago. Dr. Ahuja, my surgeon, referred us to him after the pathology report showed that my tumor was a hemangiopericytoma, which, Dr. Raizer confirmed for us, is a rare, aggressive and cancerous tumor. Because of how rare it is, doctors decided I needed to be monitored with a series of tests (CTs of body and bone scans, as well as evenly spaced out MRIs). Thankfully, CTs and bone scans came back clean, with one minor blip: a lump in my right boob. Scared the shit out of me and really pissed me off. When I got that news I pretty much said to God, "Are you fucking serious?!" Less than a week after finding out about the lump, I had it removed, and two days after that was told it was benign. Raise your glasses people. Shortly after finding out the lump was non-life threatening, Dr. Raizer confirmed for me (after much stalking and near death threats on my part) that my CT scans looked good otherwise. Fact: doctors don't always give a shit if their patients might be suffering from severe worry, panic attacks or negative thoughts while waiting to hear from them on whether the CTs of your body are covered with cancer spots or not. They just go about their day as if the news they have is equivalent to whether fucking strawberries are on sale at Whole Foods. Dicks. Anyway, that was all good news and a huge weight off my shoulders.

This past Monday, we had my last (or so we're told) MRI that is supposed to tell Dr. Raizer (and his tumor board at Northwestern) as well as Dr. Ahuja at St. Luke's (and his radiation board) which type of radiation they'd like me to undergo. I'm told they'll most likely recommend gamma knife radiation - a one day procedure that focuses on a small, pinpointed area so that the radiation only "burns" the bad cells and tissue vs. the good brain tissue (God knows I don't need to be burning anymore good tissue). This news was a relief and gives me hope that we'll be through this soon. We are told we'll find out by the end of this week, or early next week (which means end of next week). ;)

At one point during my appointment with Dr. Ahuja at St. Lukes, I told him to just tell me what the hell was going on and what we needed to do to get the show on the flipping road with treatment. He started to tell me that the decision they make needs to be the right one for me and my super rare tumor, not one they make for time's sake. As he said that, and I'm not joking here, I reached up, with both hands and put them around his neck, as if I were going to choke him. I seriously had no control over myself at that point. After a second or two, I realized what I was doing and put my hands down. It was then that he told me that my tumor is about as rare as dinosaurs or black diamonds. I'm one of very few in the U.S. who has been diagnosed w/ this type of tumor, so they have to research and treat accordingly (whatever that means). The other obstacle is the fact that surgery really pissed off my brain, so it's still swollen and showing some post op aggravations that make it difficult for doctors to see all they need to. In any event, they didn't see anything "new" on the latest MRI images, which is a good thing. They just need to be able to see past the swelling and fluids to decide where to focus radiation, and to do that they have to upload the images and blow them up on a big screen or something like that.

Anyway, I'm doing well, feeling well, and ready to zap the shit out of the bad stuff in my brain, and take my life back. I'll be heading back to work soon, most likely part time, then easing into my old full time schedule. Looking forward to that, to seeing my coworkers, etc. Oh, and I can drive again! Freedom!!

I'll do better w/ posts, I promise. As soon as we know about treatment, I'll add a post.

To my elders, superiors, professional acquaintances, sorry about the swears. But I've found that swearing is super therapeutic for me so I've got to do it. I promise I won't do it at work, or in any sort of professional / family setting where it might offend (not out loud at least).