Zen. I've heard of it. Read about it. Am interested in it. Do I know how to find it? Not quite. Do I have the time? No. Can I make time to find Zen. Sure, I suppose, but how would I explain me sitting in a dark room, alone, doing nothing but humming for random periods of time to Jake while he's dealing with the organized chaos that is our life?
This has been one trying year. Bless our little Layla who means the world to us, but I'm not going to candy coat it anymore... she is a challenge. The poor thing can't escape the never ending crap that's passed around at daycare. Everything from a common cold and ear infection, to the flu, to pink eye, you name it. She's had it and so have we. Put teething pain on top of that and you've got one loud, stressed out, sleepless, MESSY house.
Her Birthday party weekend was survived in a total haze of exhaustion by Jake and I. We had a few "good days" after that, and were slammed w/ pink eye and a few sleepless nights this past weekend. Now, Layla has a bad cold, cough, runny nose and likely and ear infection which I've decided against treating (don't ask, just trust me. I'm not being an ignorant mother or a hippy. I just know what's best at this point and it sure isn't putting her on more meds that don't work and make her sick). Solution = Tylenol and cotton balls (for her, not me. For me, I've asked Jake to bring me home a set of ear plugs from school. Preferably non-used).
I am trying my best to keep positive thoughts, know that we'll get through this and that this will get better. I remind myself that there are other parents out there dealing with far more serious stressers like losing jobs, missing mortgage payments, a chronically or seriously ill child. We're blessed to have what we have but does that mean I can't vent that I'm still frustrated and stressed and tired of all that we're dealing with? Even though I DO know we'll get through it and it's all a part of life? Am I the only one that feels like she's been trapped in her house, playing mama for decades when it's only been a year. Am I the only one wondering what it's like to be out with GIRLS, having girl talk, and adult conversation?Is it bad that I want to get in my car and drive across the country to CA and become a hippy vagabond who lives on the beach and finds Zen?
If you've seen Zen, or know how to find him, please give him a message for me: The Sherman's need you. Stat. Come quick. If we move fast, we can save them.
3 comments:
At least Hudson is on his best behavior. Like always.
Yeah right! I didn't add to my post that I took that son-of-a ... on a walk Sun night and he was so tweaked out about leaving his ball behind that when I let him off leash (something I always do on walks w/him) to run in the field, he RAN HOME. He was on his way back to find me over 1/2 mile away with his ball when my neighbor found him, put him in her car and then brought him home. I found his ball at the end of our street on my way home from the walk. I was FUMING mad at him. He's NUTS.
You need to move here so I can care for Layla Bean. Wait, nevermind, I might be moving away... we'll see! Should know in the next um, I don't know, 6 months the rate Josh is going. Either going to be Chicago or now a place in Akron, OH! Lord help me. Pray for IL!
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